So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
