Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
