he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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