So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
