I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize