At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
