A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
