Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize