I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
