I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
