what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
