I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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