you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
