so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.