I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said her name was "party"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...