I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans