I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
