blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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