Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
