I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
