she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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