That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
