Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
