Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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