watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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