It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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