'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
