Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
