Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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