I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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