after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
