the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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