last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think i got beer on your cat.
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