tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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