9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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