He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
