dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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