Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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