I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
