Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"

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  (248): i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards" http://tfl.nu/4vzr
  Replies (19) Good night (809) Bad night (1998)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete

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  (919): I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete http://tfl.nu/qit9
  Replies (18) Good night (4010) Bad night (629)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?

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  (609): How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does? http://tfl.nu/dymy
  Replies (46) Good night (772) Bad night (6107)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.

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  (303): My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks. http://tfl.nu/ug5h
  Replies (16) Good night (1911) Bad night (3518)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.

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  (914): My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control. http://tfl.nu/45m8
  Replies (47) Good night (1451) Bad night (4040)
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  (631): View more from New York

  It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.

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  (631): It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates. http://tfl.nu/ctme
  Replies (19) Good night (1416) Bad night (5283)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you

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  (207): so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you http://tfl.nu/yn2g
  Replies (9) Good night (4616) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?

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  (256): I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much? http://tfl.nu/gx9s
  Replies (4) Good night (2738) Bad night (729)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.

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  (954): She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating. http://tfl.nu/jmu1
  Replies (4) Good night (3268) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted

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  (808): he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted http://tfl.nu/o6gq
  Replies (7) Good night (1061) Bad night (1915)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?

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  (508): Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed? http://tfl.nu/6lho
  Replies (10) Good night (2225) Bad night (897)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.

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  (704): And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control. http://tfl.nu/cnqj
  Replies (18) Good night (2411) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.

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  (509): Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it. http://tfl.nu/l3y2
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.

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  (270): Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck. http://tfl.nu/t1ax
  Replies (5) Good night (2982) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ

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  (515): My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ http://tfl.nu/eoqa
  Replies (2) Good night (485) Bad night (208)

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