end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
