I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.