Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?

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  (415): just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good? http://tfl.nu/tswm
  Replies (13) Good night (2795) Bad night (670)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He did it well too

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  (616): His pickup line was "I'll eat you out" (616): He did it well too http://tfl.nu/h6lm
  Replies (57) Good night (8947) Bad night (782)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.

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  (414): dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian. http://tfl.nu/yfk0
  Replies (17) Good night (4330) Bad night (663)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

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  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (29177) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you

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  (402): Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you http://tfl.nu/279j
  Replies (14) Good night (3738) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US

  (281): View more from Texas

  WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW

  (281): View more from Texas

  THE REISLING ATRACEX US

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  (281): JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US (281): WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW (281): THE REISLING ATRACEX US http://tfl.nu/6tcy
  Replies (21) Good night (2185) Bad night (1264)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.

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  (508): Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it. http://tfl.nu/zto9
  Replies (3) Good night (2320) Bad night (768)
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  (559): View more from California

  His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me

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  (559): His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me http://tfl.nu/qdk0
  Replies (6) Good night (1889) Bad night (704)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies

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  (636): If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies http://tfl.nu/2ary
  Replies (3) Good night (1049) Bad night (1517)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.

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  (818): Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/scsc
  Replies (14) Good night (2255) Bad night (756)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Wine is not your friend.

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  (817): I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories. (972): Wine is not your friend. http://tfl.nu/ofhm
  Replies (7) Good night (670) Bad night (1452)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.

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  (512): Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door. http://tfl.nu/gaii
  Replies (9) Good night (1031) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?

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  (712): How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober? http://tfl.nu/4zoo
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (333)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss

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  (734): But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss http://tfl.nu/ju7w
  Replies (1) Good night (650) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"

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  (202): I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later" http://tfl.nu/n53s
  Replies (0) Good night (652) Bad night (302)

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