Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me