whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
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It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that