Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets

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  (414): I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets http://tfl.nu/vdn6
  Replies (14) Good night (1054) Bad night (3813)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

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  (610): all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville. http://tfl.nu/k1x4
  Replies (6) Good night (8158) Bad night (1634)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10497) Bad night (1343)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"

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  (732): im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob" http://tfl.nu/kv4b
  Replies (20) Good night (4487) Bad night (790)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.

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  (215): We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay. http://tfl.nu/xg35
  Replies (14) Good night (3130) Bad night (1629)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.

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  (206): In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/g8w5
  Replies (7) Good night (931) Bad night (2593)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you

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  (503): you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you http://tfl.nu/l62c
  Replies (4) Good night (2186) Bad night (1133)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you

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  (516): Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you http://tfl.nu/ijza
  Replies (2) Good night (1431) Bad night (621)
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  (914): View more from New York

  They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

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  (914): They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies. http://tfl.nu/g6fw
  Replies (3) Good night (914) Bad night (420)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?

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  (843): Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets? http://tfl.nu/2734
  Replies (9) Good night (532) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.

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  (410): I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex. http://tfl.nu/2gjc
  Replies (7) Good night (1175) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.

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  (860): The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/fj2u
  Replies (7) Good night (506) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?

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  (571): Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you? http://tfl.nu/rje6
  Replies (13) Good night (344) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.

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  (916): Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand. http://tfl.nu/j2wp
  Replies (3) Good night (587) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone

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  (860): grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone http://tfl.nu/vpvv
  Replies (2) Good night (1047) Bad night (226)

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