At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
