I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
