help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
