grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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