this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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