I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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