I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
