wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
