Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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