She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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