I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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