Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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