Yo dont text me then not text me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
