She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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