i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
