Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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