My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
