I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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