Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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