Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
