new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
