He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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