He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
